My IF journey is OVER!! Its been 6 years of doctors, tests, labs, meds, procedures, and tears. Im sad, angry, and anxious but also relieved. I got a very clearly BFN this morning, no hint of a line on a FRER. Im the equivalent of 11dpo. Im supposed to go for a beta tomorrow, but Im going to put it off. Maybe I'll go over the weekend, no sense in running around before work and starting my day off in a craze just to confirm bad news.
I need to cleanse my heart mind and home. My attic is full of baby stuff that needs to be sold. We can now go forward with buying a new camper and redoing the playroom into Quin's new bedroom. No need to save the nursery. I can even book a vacation for next year in advance! Imagine! We can enroll Quin in private school because we don't have to worry about the tuition for a second child. I can go back to work full time soon because next year Quin will be in school and theres no need for me to be home. I also need to accept that my family is complete...thats going to be the hard part. Matt is OK with it, but I'm not there yet. But, I need to focus on that now. I'll probably always long for a baby, I just hope I can get to a point where I don't feel guilt for Quin being an only. I want to get to a point where a day goes by that I don't think/wish/pray/beg that I get pregnant.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I think there will always be a part of you too that will wonder and want. Even though we have 3 and we're done... that feeling still comes too. I hope you find peace with it or a miracle happens. Weirder things have happened.
ReplyDelete