So you had a bad day...

So I had my very first, of many, "bad" days of IVF. I was just in a funk all day, on edge. Quin was being particularly grouchy and fresh. I ended up losing it on him and he spent the afternoon in his room. He took a nap which is very unlike him. I don't know if its the BCP's I'm now on, or the fact that I am no longer taking celexa, but I was a bear. Then I went to visit Colleen's friend and her 2 week old son. I didn't get to hold him, which was probably a good thing. I was fighting tears just looking at him. I was sad that I would probably not get that experience again. He was so tiny and cute and I just want the chance to do that again...and this time I WILL enjoy it. Im not feeling hopeful about this IVF. Reality is that it probably won't work. Then the analyzer in me says well, I was hopeful for my other cycles that didn't work so maybe my lack of confidence will mean this will work?! I don't know. I spent the afternoon/evening holding back tears. Feeling sorry for what I DON'T have and what I have to go through. I need to just stop and be grateful for all I do have. I have a healthy kid...really isn't that the best thing there is. I really hope my mood is better today, I hate when I lose it on Quin and when I feel depressed. Thats no way to live. Next week, 6 days actually, I start my lupron shots. That stuff makes me a bitch! I just really pray that Matt is tolerant of my moods and doesn't shut me out and make me feel worse. My focus this week is to make sure Quin doesn't have any gluten to see if we can get his mood stabilized. On top of all this Jason's med change has made his bipolar more evident and his absence seizures haven't improved.